My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The chlamydia really affected his face.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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