i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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