So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
