Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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