puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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