what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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