did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
