Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
