I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
