I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
