I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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