saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So much rum. So many feels.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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