if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
