Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
