this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
