Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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