Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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