I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
