Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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