remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
