So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
