fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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