Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
