I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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