90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
soo... how was my night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
