I hate your face
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
