do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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