New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
