i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
