Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
