I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
