Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
