shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
