It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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