Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
