I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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