He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
