WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you win again, gameday.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
