I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
