He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
