I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
