are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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