Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
