I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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