i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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