she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
