3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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