So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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