i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
