can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
