Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
how drunk are you?
Several
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
