Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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