i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
