Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
