I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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