haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
